Channel Zero #5: Every Little SCALPS MORE LIKE AM I RIGHT

by Rathe on Wednesday, 16 February 2011

Last week in my 3DS launch firing-line, I briefly mentioned Tesco’s attempt to lower their pre-order price before being matched almost instantly by Amazon. Amazon may as well have sent someone down to Tesco’s website maintenance department, sought out the man who made the change, kicked him in the balls, then killed his family, then spray-painted ‘EVERY LITTLE HELPS’ onto his car, which they trashed.  Just to make absolutely sure they know whose number one.

That wasn’t the last we’d heard of it though, apparently. According to the Daily Mail; which uses ‘conservatism’ as more of a blunt propaganda instrument than it does a political ideology, Tesco lowered their price by £40, then would not honour the price to anyone who pre-ordered during the time. I’m not sure if that’s genius hard-ball marketing, or shooting themselves in the foot, but when you’re competing with Amazon there’s no real buck you can stop at. Tesco themselves had put it down to a ‘pricing error’. Can someone please clarify for me how this sort of thing happens? Amazon does a similar thing whereby the price of an item sitting in your Basket may fluctuate wildly if you leave it for a while before taking it to the Checkout. The Tesco instance is more inexplicable. Do they have automated algorithms to adjust prices? Or did someone in Electricals with a particularly heavy grudge just get sacked?

Tesco advert, 3DS price

Still, this being a Daily Mail article, I can’t help but share with you some of my ‘favourite’ ‘comments’. DM commentors are amazing because they simultaneously give you spiritual pats on the back for not being one of them, while being infuriating enough to read because their opinions are usually of the type your granddad brings out at Christmas when he’s drunk and feeling particularly racist. (User)names and places blotted out – not because I particularly want to protect, but so I don’t go Googling each and every last one of them until I’ve opened mosques near them, just to annoy them.

What a shame. Could have had some good publicity then. "Tesco confirms Nintendo 3DS price error...and HONOURS it." Could have made a few people happy, especially in a climate where people don't have a lot of money.”
Yes, and then David Cameron himself could have given every family in the UK a singing unicorn that vomits solid gold. Could have made some good publicity, as he’d win every election until he dies, which he won’t because scientists will have found the water of immortality by then. British scientists, of course.

“I took the opportunity and ordered from them. However, they say they have contacted the small number of people affected. Yet they have not contacted me.... I contacted Consumer Direct and they told me, yes it is technically a criminal offence and they should honour the contract, but Tesco have ways around it etc. I wonder if I will be contacted shortly...”
This sort of ambiguity helps no-one. ‘Ways around it’? Consumer Direct apparently paint Tesco shiftier than a weasel dressed as Al Capone.

"'Every little help' but not if it favours Tesco's customers; they should honour the price that they originally set for the customers who ordered them. How do we know they made a mistake; they might have set a low price, and then decided that they could squeeze more money out of the product."
They might have done. Or they could just be pure evil that NEEDS to be CRUSHED.

But enough of that. To end on an appropriately depressing note, your current Nintendo Shop Points won't count for squat on your shiny new toy. Personally, I'm not too cut up about it. I have all the motion-controlled versions of Pong I could ever want for one lifetime, let alone the launch period.

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