Channel Zero #10: "I Think Worrall Thompson Should Be Shot and Eaten By Lions, In That Order"

by Rathe on Monday, 9 January 2012

Today's a fun day for us, because it's not very often we get a piece of news like today's revelation that well-liked television chef Antony Worrall Thompson has been shoplifting cheese and wine from his local Henley Tesco - one of the more insignificant crimes committed by one of the more increasingly forgotten-about chefs, yet still apparently news-worthy. It's fascinating purely because it reminds you that you really thought you knew someone; or at least their one-dimensional telly personality - of all the British chefs who'd I'd expect to be caught shoplifting, I'd at least hope it was Nigel Slater, because that actually would liven him up in the public eye. Caught nicking a copy of Die Hard 2, or some tampons, or something.

Look as he remorselessly grins through the teeth he used to chew up the cheese that he stole - truly, there is no circle of Hell deep enough for men of his ilk.

On the other hand, this hasn't really done Thompson any great harm for me. Aside from a second-hand set of his saucepans, he isn't really someone who I spend a great deal of time thinking about (yet deem worthy enough to write an entire bloody blog post on). He's one of those people who your mind decides never left the decade they became renowned in, so for me he's permanently a product of the '90s; occasionally rolled out now and again to both no-one's joy nor disappointment.

The Daily Mail's comments section, as ever, failed to disappoint - "in the same camp as MP's and bankers! How many times did he STEAL? Should have been prosecuted not cautioned. !!" impotently roars one particularly incensed fellow. Worral Thompson himself spoke as though copping an insanity plea, speaking of "seeking treatment" and hoping to "make amends". It all got me thinking, though - exactly how different would the reaction be for other has-beens and C-listers shoplifitng wine and cheese from a supermarket? Let's guess, shall we:

Chris Evans
I don't think anyone'd be surprised, somehow.

David Dickinson

I can imagine hordes of disappointed OAPs and no-one else - but it'd be more audacious if he did so while actually holding that wad of money.

Chris Moyles

Again, we probably wouldn't really be surprised, but we'd be a lot angrier about it. At least, I would. Look at him. Look at him.

Michael Barrymore

Cheese-nicking sort of pales in comparison, really, doesn't it?

Try it at home. The game, not shoplifting, of course. Happy New Year, everyone. 

Leave your comment