'Gold Cobra' "Review"

by Rathe on Saturday, 25 June 2011

Those who know me are aware that I do, in some perverse measure, enjoy particularly terrible articles of culture...bad movies, bad books, bad music; whatever, chances are I will, as a guilty pleasure, try to find the best in it. It's easy to hate. It is far easier to criticise than it is to create, and this is something I try to take into account before I attack anything. After all, who am I to talk - I am the bottom-feeding, blog-running scum of the internet, the kind who is always eager to opine but do little to contribute. Not only that, it is unnecessary - to say Limp Bizkit is bad is like saying The Beatles are good; it is basically a worldwide recognised opinion. Really - why am I bothering? This isn't so much beating a dead horse as it is going to the trouble of digging it back up out of the ground first.

Got family to be disappointing? Don't mind a little needless profanity? Waste your time below:

Gold Cobra cover, Limp Bizkit, Gold Cobra, album cover
Sometimes you see an album cover. Then sometimes you see an 'album cover'. Today I saw an 'album cover'.

There is nothing that can be said about this record that has not been said dozens of times before on other websites or magazines, or even for several other Limp Bizkit records. They are impenetrable and almost the definition of critic-proof. But nigh-on a decade down the line, it's pretty difficult to imagine how Gold Cobra is going to work. Nu-metal has long since since ceased to be relevant to its original audience, the majority of them not being 13 any longer and having woken up one morning, blinking, and realising it Isn't Really Very Good At All. It's not enough to ask why this album was made. The question is now about how this album happened.

Gold Cobra is different. There's something wrong with Gold Cobra. As cliché as it is, I was going to say it's so-bad-it's-good. But no. Gold Cobra boldly drops off the low-end of the scale, goes back around to 'good' territory, then continues to plumb the 'bad' depths even further. it has, metaphorically speaking, lapped the spectrum of quality. This is bad squared. In the decade-odd they've dropped out of the limelight, Limp Bizkit has seemingly had the time to hone its craft and add new elements of the death of music as art itself to their sound. It blows my mind that someone can have the sheer hypocrisy to purport to stay "true" to their metal roots and then adopts auto-tune for one song, just for novelty.

I would talk about individual songs, but I can't. It's not in me. I've had this record on for three hours straight and each track sounds like it segues into another. All I really remember are certain lines and the constant urge to put something else on. The worst part is that, every now and then, there is some indication that these weren't all terrible songs - indeed, at some point I found myself tapping my foot now and then for a few bars - then stopped as soon as the next barrage of chauvinist, forced, hard-man rhymes brought it to stop. I don't understand; do the other four men this band consists of not realise they have no need for Fred? He has proven time and again he is more of a liability than an asset to the group. Whether it's the needlessly condescending "here's the shout to you ladies with the hot tits" of 'Shotgun' crap or the utterly redundant "I'mma fuck you up, fuck you up, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you up" of 'Douche Bag', Fred seems to be engaged in a one-man peer-pressure display of one-upmanship with his own brain; each successive song taking the tone down a gutter we didn't think even Limp Bizkit could go down. But it's not like he's trying to offend; it doesn't even sound that sincere. He is doing it because that is all we expect from a Limp Bizkit record, and he sounds like it knows it. Ultimately, who is this pleasing? I question the logic of a man who actively tweets about leaking his own record before release day, but it is a fool's game with no answers. It's not enough to criticise Gold Cobra. Now we have to be psychoanalyse it.

All in all, it's certainly not the worst record I've ever heard. It's not, say, as harmful as BrokeNCYDE. But there's still no reason for it to exist, other than a walk down memory lane for an audience that have largely grown up and moved on. It doesn't make any attempt to bring anything new to their sound. Admittedly, they're good at what they do - but no-one wants to hear it anymore.

One comment

couldnt agree more ,every record sounds the same from start to finish ,no big chorouses, very few middle 8s ,and what the hell happened to fred dursts voice as for at least 3 tracks even in a studio is out of key ,listened over the album twice and got bored. track 3 and 11 ...,are they the same song!!!! gold cobra ...more like shit brown worm. awful album with about as much creativity as a 2 yr old banging on a tupperwear container

by Anonymous on 26 July 2011 at 09:13. #

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