They Came From The Deep

Today's a fun day for us, because it's not very often we get a piece of news like today's revelation that well-liked television chef Antony Worrall Thompson has been shoplifting cheese and wine from his local Henley Tesco - one of the more insignificant crimes committed by one of the more increasingly forgotten-about chefs, yet still apparently news-worthy. It's fascinating purely because it reminds you that you really thought you knew someone; or at least their one-dimensional telly personality - of all the British chefs who'd I'd expect to be caught shoplifting, I'd at least hope it was Nigel Slater, because that actually would liven him up in the public eye. Caught nicking a copy of Die Hard 2, or some tampons, or something.

Look as he remorselessly grins through the teeth he used to chew up the cheese that he stole - truly, there is no circle of Hell deep enough for men of his ilk.

I'm sure there's other, newer, more important news in the world of Nintendo this week, but no. It's my weekend (despite this going out on a Monday) and I'm going to whine about what I damn well please. No, you shut up and listen. I'm still just trying to get over the Resident Evil: The Mercenaries 3D save data debacle. How does this happen? I know we've mentioned before our fears that gaming is regressing as technology gets better, but how do you fail to implement a file delete system? Is this tomorrow: we no longer worry about having our saves wiped at random - instead, we play through as thoroughly as we can in the constant knowledge that it's the only time we will be able to do so? Want to talk to that NPC you missed? Want to pick up that extra health pack? That'll be £40, please.

That's 235 of these things. For any Americans reading, this is how we measure inflation in Britain.

Not long ago I mentioned how TCFTD is basically a cave of technological neaderthals who whine about the sliding scale of increasingly-advanced technology versus quality-of-actual-game, sitting around waiting for either the next Elite Beat Agents to come out or for the iPhonosaurus to eat us in our homes, amid screams of 'uptight' and 'hipsters'. We made it pretty obvious that we are among those concerned that console gaming is getting worse, although it's something we've skirted around outright addressing. Like most elephants in TCFTD's room, he's a friendly enough guy, but it's time we had a talk.

The argument is always, frustratingly, summed up best by someone who isn't you, of course; and David Jaffe (God of War creator), makes a point that is forehead-slappingly obvious in retrospect. The Wii, which most of us saw before release as being the 'uniter' of videogames, was hopefully going to redress the balance between younger people who liked them and older people who saw them as kids' stuff, or impenetrable. In not very much time at all, that former group are now acting more like the 'older people', shouting about the 'casuals' who have ruined their entertainment (hell, I'm one of them). With the WiiU coming up, we are months away from boarding up the windows and erecting shelters stocked with copies of Mario 3 and Street Fighter Alpha; quizzing visitors at gunpoint as to what their favourite part of Final Fantasy IV was.

Wait, never mind. It's got Mario. We're all good.

Last week in my 3DS launch firing-line, I briefly mentioned Tesco’s attempt to lower their pre-order price before being matched almost instantly by Amazon. Amazon may as well have sent someone down to Tesco’s website maintenance department, sought out the man who made the change, kicked him in the balls, then killed his family, then spray-painted ‘EVERY LITTLE HELPS’ onto his car, which they trashed.  Just to make absolutely sure they know whose number one.

Personally, I don't think 3D is much of a blessing for cinema - it's far more technologically advanced and impressive than it ever has been, granted, and it has renewed some interest in film as a medium that's been dying a slow, steady death. On the other hand, I very much feel 3D sullies the purity of a film. Its application has fallen into one of two categories: films that use the clarity of its visuals, CGI and 3D as their primary selling point (Avatar, which, incidentally, I am dedicating my life to avoiding); or cynical post-production cash-ins (Clash of the Titans, for example). Either way, given the choice, Joe Public is usually going to spend a few pounds more seeing the 3D version, so regardless of why the filmmakers chose to add 3D to their film, financial reasons are always going to be at least part of it. Then again, compare and contrast to the original era of 3D movies - at least looking back it felt like they were being more honest; that they and everyone else knew it was just a cheap gimmick to draw in the crowds.

But really, don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that 3D took anything away from the storytelling masterpiece that was 1953's Robot Monster. No sirree.

I have a poster of this boxart on my wall, actually. It makes me feel better whenever I hear about a particularly bad videogame, film, or natural disaster; knowing nothing else can be quite this miserably desperate.